Well most of you know that we had a devastating fire at our farm this week. We were woken up at 12:30 to a phone call letting us know that our barn was on fire. I immediately ran outside assuming our big barn was on fire and had to let the baby goats out fast. A quick look outside and I saw the entire chicken coop engulfed in flames. I called 911 while my husband ran outside to see what he could save. But there was nothing left to save. This started a long list of what if’s . . .

What if I saw or heard something when I went to bottle feed one of the baby goats at 11:30?

What if when my husband went outside at midnight, he noticed something? A sound, a light, anything . . .

What if our neighbor didn’t think to look outside when her dog was barking? That fire could have easily spread to other buildings or across acres of dry grass.

What if the bucks weren’t locked up in there that night? We hadn’t locked the boys up in at least a week. For some unknown reason the kids locked them up when they went to feed that night. Without mentioning this fact to them, they quickly realized their mistake. We know there was nothing we could do, but my kids are still sad about the situation.

What if all the loose hay had been cleaned up the previous week when the coop clean-up was under way?

What if all of our chickens were left in the coop? About two weeks prior we separated the new chickens from the older chickens. All the young, good layers were in the coop, along with my sons prized cochin chickens. All the older hens and roosters were living in the big barn. Little Man was planning a portable chicken coop for his cochins, but it was a project that never got started.

What if I had finished the project of moving all our storage stuff back to the trailer? I am very thankful that we had just 4 days previously moved an antique school table and chairs out of there. 2 days previously I had gone out there and went thru all the tubs and sorted items. We grabbed a few pairs of shoes for the kids. I had counted my sleepy wraps and thought about grabbing one for me to have a back-up, but didn’t do it. I did an inventory check of all my books I had listed on PaperBack Swap.

What if we didn’t purchase the motorcycle and need to trailer to haul it home? We would have never even moved our stuff to the building.

This cloud of “what if’s” could drown a person. And it’s only human to sit and think them all thru. But we have a merciful and gracious God and He uses all things to work towards good for those that love the Lord! We are claiming that promise!

My son came to me the day after the fire and told me that he felt he had learned to not be lazy. He felt that if he had cleaned up ALL the loose hay the fire wouldn’t have moved so quickly. I learned to let go of “stuff”. My husband learned that its ok to get help from other people and be thankful for them in his life.

And we have all learned the need to finish projects.

This is after it had been cleaned up.

Forget the kid, what do you do if you, the mom is so all over the place, that maintaining any kind of schedule is hopeless? I picked up a book the other day that made me laugh. Many of you have probably heard of it, it’s called If I’m diapering a watermelon, where is the baby? I love Carol Barnier and so I couldn’t resist this funny title. Upon reading the introduction I was already in tears. I wish I could say it was tears from laughing so hard, but it was heartfelt tears. I could relate to this mom that couldn’t get it together and it embarrassed me. I realized that I have fooled myself into thinking that I am some kind of Martha Stewart mom deep down, I just can’t find her admist all these children. But reading her book, I had to admit I am that highly distractable mom. And I cried. Who was I kidding? I bet all of you readers out there knew that I wasn’t Martha Stewart, not even her pinky.

But now I’m past that, and on to discovering the spontaneous, active, crazy, disorganized mom that I am. Do you remember the dog in the movie Up? You know the one that mid sentence would stop everything to point out a squirrl? Yep, that’s me. No wonder I leave milk sitting in the sink all day. When I ask a child to go get their shoes, they will come back 10 min later declaring they can’t find them, and I have forgotten what they can’t find. Or on my way to the bathroom, I stop to check my email and 2 hours later I still haven’t made it that end of the house. And my most dreaded trait – my inability to follow any kind of schedule. How did I ever survive high school?

I’m an ongoing project. I am always reading 3-4 books at a time, sewing 3-4 different outfits, and always whipping something up in the kitchen. If I don’t have a project I find that I get bored easily. I’m your guy (or gal) if you want to know about almost any curriculum out there, but sit down and actually use a curriculum and I’m lost. I can plan out an entire school year to never sit down and do more than one day of it. Oh we do school, and my kids are passing the tests to prove it, but it consists of moody science videos, board games galore, real hands on experiences and field trips that will rock your world. Two of my kids got to dissect a squid the other day. Our lives don’t lack educational quality, but they do lack discipline. There I said it! That ugly word: discipline.

I crave it, yet can’t seem to grasp it. My oldest daughter has to have a schedule. She thrives on it. She is lost with out it. But for some reason the Lord put her into our family. I’ve given her a schedule and am trying to adjust so that she can have some consistency. And then go to bed at night, reminded of the fact that I failed yet again.

So I’m gonna finish Carol’s book and get back to ya.